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Rand Paul
Rand Paul was clone in a libertarian cloning facility on a project known as "Mini-me", she was suppose to be born as a healthy baby girl and to be originally be named Ayn Rand Paul but instead they got this freak of nature he was born as a healthy libertarian boy with the free market blessed spirit of his father. The Economy The Environment Small Government Everyone knows that government cant do anything right and a bigger government is the #2 greatest threat against the free market, which is why he supports the patriotic forces known as the 9/11 truthers to stop the Bush's Administration Obama's Administration from turning us all commie hippies. Once The Free Market is in Power it will Fix all of our Problems! The Shut Down of Government:http://thinkprogress.org/2010/11/16/gohmert-shutdown/ HELL YEAH! Now, now... we shouldnt be having this kind of talk. Tax Cuts Rand Paul will generously return our money back to us, since the Government has no authority to steal from us! Cutting Defense Spending Rand Paul demands Republicans to pledge on reducing defense spending which will save America a lot of money... but will leave us defenseless against The Mooslim threat!!! What the hell are you smoking, Rand? Do you want Al-Qaeda to win??!! Death to Earmarks! Congressional Earmarks are just a libural conspiracy to steal tax payers' money and Tea Baggers have demanded the end of this communist policy. Rand Paul has promised he will help us abolish this insidious practice Kentucky to get a share of that free money! Hey, guys! Is free money!!!!! You have to be crazy to refuse to take a pile of free money for nothing! Medicare & Medicaid He is against the Libural Welfare Program that promotes entitlements and laziness On Society According with Rand Paul, the Free Market is the guiding force of our lives and if the Free Market wants to discriminate against non-white people then who are we to question the Almighty Free Market? The Economy Rand Paul will employ a radical way to restore our economy. He will eliminate all mention of classes from our dictionary, that way we can end class warfare. Immigration More and more babies are being born from Welfare Queens and these mini-leaches are stealing from the pockets of the tax payers! But not anymore, Rand will support a bill that will eliminate this insidious loophole so these Welfare Toddlers will stop from suckling from the tit of the Federal Government. Rand proposes a great plan from stopping illegals, an underground electric fence. They will never see it coming! Restoration of The Constitution Rand Paul has promised to restore the Constitution back to it's roots and he will do so from the gut. He doesn't need to know what's written on it, he believes he knows whats written on it, and that is Truthiness at its finest. Freedom of Speech Rand Paul knows that freedom of speech is sacred to Americans. Even best, the adult variety of Freedom is very sacrosanct. The 1924 Indian Citizenship Act Thats right, Rand Paul wants to Eliminate this libural law so we can send those Injuns back to China. Foreign Policy *Whatever happens outside the US is not our problem... unless we are talking about helping Israel or invading Iran. Foreign Money Foreign Money is still free money... unless it is Muslim Money Policing teh Series of Tubes Because you dont want to... Anti-Hitler Stance Rand Paul says that he does not support Hitler and that he will work hard to make sure Hitler never comes to America. Edjukashun Rand Paul will eliminate edjukashun in America as it is evident that it is the #1 cause of gayness and hotmosexuality. Godless Some say he can't be a Christian since he's a libertarian. That's a lie! He believes in a Deity and his name is "Aqua Buddha" Jesus! Update: Rand Paul: "I am Aqua Buddha" His Followers Like his namesake Ayn Rand, RAND PAUL! has the charisma to attract followers supporters who are more genetically, economically, and culturally superior to the supporters minions of his opponent (who probably didn't even get Atlas Shrugged). Some of his followers even have libertarian names like Tim Profitt, you cant get a more libertarian name than that! Update As you probably know there was a recent incident involving a Ran Paul supporter/Campaign Coordinator and a liberal woman from Move.org. Suffice to say the scandal involved the stomping of the liberal woman and Tim Proffitt (supporter/Campaign Coordinator). We are expecting an apology. Did you hear that Missy? Tim Profitt's boots got stains on it and the stains just wont go away. We tried bleach but it just wont come out! We suspect the stains are your liberal blood! Shame on you, those are expensive boots! Apologize now! You should be expecting a dry cleaning bill to arrive in the coming days. Remember Ms. Lauren Valle, we have video proof and we are not above blackmail or public shaming. Update II Blackmail and public shaming it is then... Update III Mr. Profitt has asked for police security, for he fears for his safety. Update IV Mr. Profitt has been taken a secluded area to protect him against future attacks. The Attack Mr. Profitt was safely escorted to court to testify how he was attacked and how he feared for his life. The defense showed sufficient evidence that Ms. Lauren Valle is a vicious leftist terrorist that threatened Mr. Profitt's life. For the coming months Mr. Profitt's lawyer will supply evidence supporting this claim. We noticed that many jurors were in tears when Mr. Profitt testified how terrified he was and had no choice but to stomp on his attacker. We predict Mr. Profitt will have justice! 2010 Campaign for Senate Campaign poster Series of Tubes *Sarah Palin supports Rand Paul *Rand Paul to rescue BP from communism *Libural Media twisting Rand's words *Rand Paul takes libural media *Rand Paul newest Black Friend *Good News! Civil Rights could be unconstitutional! *Rand Paul Newest Plan to save The Free Market *Rand Paul fully embraces The Republican Party, says goodbye to silly Libertarianism *Rand Paul rejects Canadian threat *Rand Paul gives a speech: "I have a dream that one day on the golden hills of Wall Street, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of the Free Market" *Liberals are racist against me! *Rand Paul grows some balls! Abandons silly Libertarians *Rand Paul certifies his own Presidential Certificate of Electiviness and Medical Doctorate *Rand Paul Slandered again!! *Rand Paul Demands Lazy Greedy Welfare Queens to Get a Paycut and Jubs! *Rand Paul to pardon Rand Paul *Rand Paul supports homeschool and flat earth theories *Rand Paul supports Middle-earth Theory *Rand Paul being slandered by the Gotcha Media!! *Rand Paul warns Citizens: "Beware The Aisle of The Mall" "Veni Vidi Vingnut" *Obama will bankrupt BP!! *Fureign Policy is for fureigners anyway *My Father in Law is addicted to Government Handouts! This needs to end now! *Government regulations will scare away trill seekers *Rand Paul wins the Coal Industry Support! *Libural economists continue to missunderestimate Ayn Rand Paul *Rand Paul supports kidnapping of liburals *Rand Paul's airtight alibi: I dont remember. I was high... so it never happened *Rand Paul fights against un-american traitor *Rand Paul supports gun marriage *Slander: Rand Paul is not a Libertarian, he is a Republican Light *Rand Paul supports Chilean Miners *Rand Paul to hold a Tea Party on his new office: Bring cookies, please *UN trying to steal our guns! *Rand Paul working hard to stop the fureign invasion *Rand Paul, a genius of our time *Poor people has all the money